COLD
HARD REALITY
Last
year I received a literary award for my hardboiled crime novel, ‘The Farewell Heist’
that comes out in July. I’ve always
considered it one of my better books. The award came from the Southwest Writers
Conference in Albuquerque. I hadn’t attended the conference, it came in an
envelope with a check that I immediately deposited before they realized they
might have made a mistake and stopped payment. It’s the only award I ever
received.
I
spent a short few weeks puffed with my new status as Award Winning Author. I
hate that word, Author; it sounds so pompous and sure doesn’t fit the kind of
books I write. But there it was and there I was, bragging.
Used
to be, when at a function where attractive women within my age level interest gathered,
after I learned about her, the job, the cat or dog, the cats or dogs; what she
liked to do, her Happy Hour place, clubs and groups she belonged to; the importance
of her independence -- I’d try to
impress one or two by saying I was a fairly decent hack writer of hardboiled
crime novels that almost nobody read. Now I said I was a fairly decent hack
Award Winning Author of hardboiled crime novels that almost nobody read. When I
saw interest, I’d give her one of my cards. Yes, I was published. No, you never
heard of the small, mostly E-book publishers.
Yes, there are eleven books out there. I’ve written 33 books so far. Oh,
yes my books are available on Amazon and all other net book outlets.
As I continued my Award
Winning Author speech, I’d see the light slowly go out of her eyes. She looked
at room objects with detailed interest. She looked at other people with renewed
interest. I’d lost another one from the get-go. There isn’t much about me of
interest to women. I live on a small sailboat. I have a dual purpose
motorcycle. Sometimes, I go panning for gold. Mostly though, I write. I do that
more than anything else.
It didn’t take long to
figure nobody cared if I received some award. Actually nobody cared that I
wrote books or anything else. Announcing an award was not a good line for
meeting women. There are long periods of time when I don’t even try to meet
women. I squirrel myself away on my small sloop and I write. I didn’t have a
good line for meeting women. I didn’t have any
line for meeting women. I stopped using the term Award Winning Author. Instead,
I just said I was a hack writer of hardboiled crime novels that almost nobody
read. If one asked about a card, I’d give them one. If one asked if she’d ever
heard of me, I’d mention the award. If one asked about movies, I’d say one of
my novels has been optioned for a movie.
And I’d wait for the
recycle.
The recycle is a small
bonus. Later during the function, when I find my card on the floor, I can wipe
it off and maybe use it again at another time at another function.
George Snyder
Contact:
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